The End is Where We Begin
by scribblesonpaper2012
Summary: He'd promised to let her die along with the archdemon. He would be crowned and she would be resting beneath the earth, unknowing of where life would take him. She'd welcomed her fate, he hadn't.
1. Chapter 1

It had been two weeks since the battle for Denerim and the city was slowly regaining its footing. Alistair Theirin was named king of Fereldan and his people already adored him. Lea knew that was how it would play out, even though Alistair had originally been very hesitant to take up the title. For a kingdom that had been decimated not three weeks ago, its rebuilding had gone impressively fast.

Amelea Cousland had returned to Highever with her brother to help in rebuilding her childhood home. She had snuck out without any of her former companions being aware of it. A week later Fergus left her in charge while he attended Alistair's coronation as the Teryn of Highever. She had stayed in order to avoid the pain that would eventually fall on her when she saw Alistair next. She busied herself with gathering the remainder of her late father's once highly respected guard. Some had been held captive by Howe's men, while some managed to go into hiding with the nobles who were still loyal to Bryce Cousland. Most of her hours were spent in the training yard with the ones who had been slowed by the civil war. The rest of the time Lea was hiring staff to assist in the rebuilding of Castle Cousland. Most of the original help had been brutally murdered by Howe's men. She had managed to arrange for the memory of all who had lost their lives during the attack to have an honorary ceremony once Fergus returned.

* * *

Lea walked into the larder with a tired expression. She had on a light blue robe that was covering the white nightgown she had on under it. Lita, the new woman that arranged meals and assigned work to servants, looked up and frowned at the drooping eyes of her Lady. "Milady, what are you doing here? It's the dead of night."

Lea gave the older woman a sad stare, "I went to my chambers a few hours ago, but something unnerved me, so I figured that you could always use some assistant."

"Milady-"

She was cut off by Lea's hand that rose, "Please, just call me Lea. Maker knows I'm already tired of all the formalities," She laughed softly, "And I've only been here thirteen days."

"As you wish, _Lea._ Now I think you should go try and get some rest before the Teryn arrives tomorrow morning. I can handle all that needs to be done." Lea opened her mouth to protest, but Lita continued on. "You could ask the healer for a sleeping drought if you are really having difficulties."

The younger woman looked thoughtful for a moment before she nodded, "Alright," She looked back up to Lita, "But if you need anything you will tell me, won't you?"

"No promises Lea. You have supplied me a healthy amount of help; there really is no need for you to be working on such minor things."

She saw Lea huff out a breath of air that blew a few stray strands of her mahogany hair out of her face. "Bad move on my part," she mumbled.

"Well go on, go get some rest."

"Alright, I can see when I am unwanted." She turned around and exited the way she came in. She climbed the stone steps and followed the corridor to a heavy door near the end of the hallway. She pushed it open and examined the interior from the doorway.

Stepping inside she removed the robe she had put on. The chill of the castle hit her as a shiver ran through her body. Sleep hadn't been easy since leaving Denerim. It was really the sleeping alone part that kept her awake. She had had months of Alistair's strong arm wrapped around her waist, her head tucked safely under his chin and his strong heartbeat-

 _No, it's over. He has no place in your life anymore._ She thought to herself. The line of thought she had just gone down made her weary, so she retreated to her bed. There she fell into an unrestful sleep.

Lea jerked awake just as her blade ran its way through the Archdemon's throat. Her breathing was heavy and there was a thin layer of sweat on her body. After regaining control of herself she stepped out onto the small balcony that was on the right wall of her chambers.

The sun was beginning to rise over the trees. It cast a haunting light across the grounds. She hoped Fergus would arrive as soon as possible.

There was a light knock at her door, "Come in." She called.

"Milady, I am here to draw your bath." It was a young girl with dark blonde hair that was tied back in loose braid.

Lea reentered her room to see the girl starring at the ground, avoiding eye contact, "What's your name, my dear?"

The girls dark blue eyes shot up to Lea's light green ones in amazement, "I- uh, Milady I don't think that my mistress would be very happy if she knew I was bothering you."

Lea smiled softly at her; she couldn't be more than twelve. "Well if there is a problem with your mistress I am sure I can handle it. Besides you aren't bothering me, so she should have no problem with you staying. Now what is your name child?"

"It is Jocelyn, Milady."

"You have a beautiful name Jocelyn. Please, just call me Lea. There is no need for formalities between friends."

Jocelyn was looking more confused by the minute, "Friends?"

"Yes, friends. I find myself in need of some at the moment, and you seem like the type of person who could use a friend as well."

"I- thank you Mil- Lea." A small smile graced the young girls face. "May I help you get ready for your bath?"

"Of course." With the help of Lea, filling the stone tub in the corner of the room was an easy task. With each minute Jocelyn opened up a little more and Lea found herself enjoying the girls company.

Once it was fully prepared Jocelyn left the room. Lea sat in the hot water until it became cold. She dried herself off and pulled her long hair into a braid that rested a little above the middle of her back. That's when the nausea hit her. She was bent over a basin while bile came up her throat when Jocelyn reentered. She didn't hesitate before she was next to Lea rubbing her back and making sure her hair didn't get in the way.

When Lea was done she sat back, looking more exhausted than before. "Can I get you anything Lea?" The concern was evident on the young girls face.

"No darling, don't worry about me." She gave Jocelyn a reassuring smile, "Now run along before you get in trouble from your mistress." Jocelyn wasn't fully convinced, but she nodded anyways and left Lea. "Great, now I'll have the castle servants coming to check on me every three minutes as well." She mumbled under her breath. Not that she minded Jocelyn, it would just make acting normal all the harder.

Lea rose from her spot on the floor and dressed in a soft forest green dress. It had leather laces in the front and flowed to the ground. She looked at herself in the mirror over her vanity and sighed, _mother always loved this dress on me._ She couldn't help but smile at the idea of her mother finding out that the dress still fit her.

All of a sudden Lea's thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the gates opening. The thundering sound of horse shoes on stone followed and Lea almost squealed. Quickly she made her way through the dimly lit passageways to the courtyard, where Fergus was dismounting his horse with his array of guards. She rushed down the steps, "Brother, welcome home!"

When he heard her voice he handed the reins to Ser Gilmore and rushed to embrace his sister. She wrapped her arms around him and he lifted her off her feet and spun her around, like he did when they were children. She was lighter than he remembered, as well as thinner around the waist. Fergus knew she would never forgive him if commented on it, so he kept his mouth shut. "Lea it is only a little past dawn, what in the Maker's name are you doing up? You used to sleep until midday when mother would let you."

"Yes well sleep comes in short intervals now, due to the taint." A solemn look crossed her face. "But let us not talk about such dreary things. You and your men must be hungry?"

"Of course." He said with a smile. The siblings led their guards into the dining room where they shared a meal filled with laughter and reminiscing old memories. Once the meal was finished everyone returned to their normal tasks. Fergus was turning out to be an amazing leader. He was respected highly among his guard and citizens. Lea on the other hand found herself growing weaker every day. Three days after Fergus' return she had come down with a fever. The nausea still wasn't gone either, so when Fergus sent his news to the Denerim she had paid the redheaded elf to give a message to Wynne; she had asked for her presence as soon as possible, but asked that it be kept a secret.

* * *

"Your Majesty," A young redheaded elf bowed in front of him, "I have news from Highever, Your Grace."

Alistair slowly raised his head at the boy, "Leave them with Eamon. He can inform me of anything crucial." As much as he wanted to think that Lea had written him, he knew it would most likely never happen. She wasn't present at his coronation and Fergus had made up some excuse about how she didn't want to deflect attention from the King. But he knew otherwise. He had let her fall into a place of self-doubt, due to his actions.

The elf coughed quietly, drawing Alistair's attention back to him, "There is one for a mage named Wynne, Your Majesty. I was told to make sure it was brought directly to her."

The King's eyebrows rose at the boy's confession. Without looking away from the elf he requested, "Ser Callius, go fetch Wynne. I believe she is in the gardens." A man near the door slammed his fist on his chest plate in obedience, and left the room. "Who sent the message to Wynne?" Alistair inquired.

"She requested to remain unknown to everyone except the mage, sire." The boys head was cast downward, avoiding the intense gaze of the blonde.

"She?"

"Yes, she."

"I am the King you know; I could always order you to tell me." There was a gleam in his amber eyes.

"She told me that should that happen, I was to throw the letter in a fire and return to her." Alistair smiled lightly at the boy. The poor boy didn't even know he just gave away the person's identity.

"Then I won't press the issue." As he finished his sentence Ser Callius strode in with Wynne at his heel.

"What's the meaning of this Alistair?" The old mage looked highly annoyed, "I was in the middle of teaching my apprentice the importance of salves."

He rolled his eyes and said, "I'm sure the poor soul is just devastated to have such an important lesson severed so quickly, but nonetheless, you have received a message from Highever Wynne."

"What? Who is it from?"

Alistair glanced down at the boy then back to Wynne, "The courier said that that information was only to be yours."

The elven boy rushed towards her and handed her the letter. He looked back at the King with a questioning stare, "You are excused." He nodded and left through the main door. When he looked back to Wynne he saw that she was already reading the note with a thoughtful expression plastered on her face. "Well, what did she say?"

Wynne looked up at him, "How did you know it was from her?"

"Please, Wynne, I have a knack for stuff like this..." She raised one eyebrow at him, "Or the boy let something slip." Her face visibly relaxed.

"Maybe we should go somewhere with more solitude to discuss this. Follow me." She led them through the stone halls to a small room. It was filled to the brim with small bottles that contained various potions that Alistair didn't really care about. "I don't think it is wise for me to tell you this, but I am going to anyways. Amelea wrote me and has informed me of some issues she has noticed with her health. With your permission I would like to ride there and stay awhile, just to check up on her."

Alistair looked deeply concerned and his voice replicated the expression, "Of course you can go. When will you depart?"

"I would like to leave at dawn tomorrow; would it be a problem for you if Leliana accompanied me?"

"No, that shouldn't be a problem." He sat down at the wooden table and put his head on his fist, "I will arrange for three horses to be ready by dawn."

"Thank you Alistair I will make -"She stopped mid-sentence and cast a puzzled look his way, "What do you mean by _three_?"

He shifted uneasily in his seat, "Well I figured I would come."

"Why?"

"Well for one I have never been to Highever and I think it important to know my lands," Wynne looked unconvinced, "I would be able to talk to Fergus about reconstruction of the city," She still wasn't persuaded, so he mumbled the next part, "And maybe just say hello to Lea."

Wynne let out a sad sigh and went to sit opposite of him across the table. She reached out gently and took his large hands in her weak ones, "Alistair you know I care for you immensely, right?" He nodded, "Then know that I say this out of love. She left for a reason. She's hurt and probably feels betrayed at the moment. Trust me when I say that I would adore seeing you two together again, but I do not think she is ready for that just yet. It's only been four weeks. Surprisingly women need more time than that to recover."

His intense cognac eyes met hers; they were filled with guilt. "I did what I did because the thought of living on this world without her tears me apart. Did she expect me to sit back and watch while she died? I couldn't do that. I preformed the ritual to keep her alive."

"Have you considered the idea of her maybe not wanting to be alive?"

"What? Of course she wanted to stay alive. Who _wants_ to die?"

"Think about it. She knew that if you both survived then she would have to leave due to her being infertile. You must have an heir someday. With Amelea that isn't possible. She has to sit from the side and watch you have a life with someone that rightfully is hers." A trace of understanding landed in Alistair, "She believes that death would have been better than that."

"How do you know that?"

"It was clear in her eyes when she stepped off the Archdemon's body."

"Maker's breath. I really put her through all of that? I am currently putting her through it?" The guilt was overpowering his handsome features.

"I'm afraid so."

"I have to talk to her." He pulled his hands away and abruptly stood up. "I will meet you and Leliana outside the gate tomorrow at dawn." With that he stormed out of the room.

Wynne was right behind him, "Alistair I told you that to dissuade you from coming! She is not ready to see you yet."

"Well then I will sit outside her door and explain it. She needs to hear my own words on the tale. She doesn't need to give me forgiveness; she just has to know that I did for more than she thinks I did." Alistair stopped midstride and turned to face the mage, "I see you are concerned, but you can't change my mind on this. We ride out at dawn tomorrow." Without another word he resumed down the corridor.

* * *

It had been five days since the messenger had left with her letter to Wynne, and of course it took three days to reach Denerim from Highever, but Lea still found herself anxiously pacing her chambers. It was nearly midnight when Jocelyn came to the door asking for permission to enter. Considering that the two had only met six days ago, Lea found herself caring immensely for the young girl. Jocelyn had been shy and reluctant when they were getting to know each other, but now she was giving opinions and explaining the cruelty of her mistress that made Lea's blood boil. Her soft knock on the door pulled Lea out of her worry struck pacing, "Lea I was told to inform you that three people from Denerim are guessed to be arriving late tonight."

 _Three people? I only asked for Wynne. Of course she probably dragged Leliana along to; they were always an amazing pair. And the third is most likely a guard._ Lea mused to herself, "Does Fergus want me to be there upon their arrival?"

"No, he told me to just come down to breakfast in clothing appropriate for company." Lea nodded in response, she still wasn't fully in the conversation.

"Thank you Jocelyn. You may go for the night; sleep well." The girl bowed her head and left just as Lea felt exhaustion creeping into her body. It started coming in random flashes lately. Lea was certain that something was wrong with her body. Whether it had to do with the taint or if it had to do with a sickness she didn't know. The only thing that mattered was her getting better, but in that moment she told herself she could work on that tomorrow with Wynne; tonight she might get some restful sleep.

Fortunately she did sleep well. Her dreams consisted of memories of her mother brushing her hair and her father teaching her how to shoot a bow and arrow while on horseback. Near nine in the morning Jocelyn came to wake her and help her get ready. She left her hair to cascade down her back and pulled a few pieces in the front into small braids that met at the back of her head. Fergus had requested she look nicer than usual due to the guests from Denerim. Lea had almost laughed at the thought of Leliana seeing her in a dress. She had put on a dark red one that had gold trim and accents. The top was fitted while the bottom flowed nicely.

She was standing in front of her full length mirror with Jocelyn adjusting something on the back of her dress, "Have you seen the guests Jocelyn?"

"No, but I did hear that it was two women and one man." Her eyes met Lea's in the mirror, "I saw the outline of the man; he was big."

Both girls laughed for a moment, "Yes well guards tend to be bigger in size than twelve year old girls."

"He looked as though he would be much larger than you as well." The younger girl smirked.

"I am only seven years older than you; there isn't that giant of difference between our sizes you know." Lea stated.

"I heard the Teryn telling Ser Gilmore how he is worried because you look smaller than you did before." She focused her eyes on the laces at the back of the dress.

"Really?" Lea knew he was concerned for her mental state, but he hadn't mentioned her weight before.

"Yes. He said that if you didn't eat more soon he would start slipping things into your drinks."

Lea chuckled, "Oh did he?"

Sensing that the tension was gone, Jocelyn met Lea's gaze again as she stepped back from the dress, "I laughed at that too." She stepped in front of Lea and looked over the dress one last time, "I believe you are ready." When Lea caught her gaze she saw pure admiration and awe. "You look beautiful."

"Only because you helped me get ready." She smiled warmly at her. "But I suppose we could debate that at any time, for now I should head down to the dining room."

"Of course, I'll see you around midday?"

"I'll see you then." The pair smiled at each other and then Lea exited the room. On her way down to the main dining room she noticed that the rain had started to come down. Spring was approaching quickly, and that meant that she wouldn't be stuck in the castles confinements. She smiled to herself at the thought of wandering along the riverside with nothing but solitude. It was something she was lacking in recently.

Lea made her way down two flights of stairs and to the large door that was hiding the dining room. The guard on the right opened one of the doors with ease, revealing the brightly lit room. The room was decorated with white and orange roses as always, along with the portraits of her ancestors. Dark hair stood out on almost all of them. Lea smiled knowing that she had a connection to those people besides her birthright.

Fergus stood on the opposite side of the room near the mahogany dining table, with a redheaded female that had her back to Lea. The warden smirked at the sight of her friend, "Leliana!"

The redhead turned around and squealed before she nearly knocked Lea off her feet with her powerful hug. Leliana pushed her back at arm's length to look her over. She frowned, "You're looking a bit thin aren't you?" Her thick Orlesian accent came out quickly.

Lea rolled her eyes at her friends comment, "I'm perfectly fine, Lel. No need to stress over me."

"As much as you will hate this, Wynne and I are here solely to stress over your well-being, so don't try to avoid us when it comes to helping you.

"But still there is no reason to be so dramatic over my state!" Lea always believed that there was someone out there that could use help more than she did, even when she was seven and almost died because of an illness she wanted the healer to help the servant boy who had it too before her. She always put her life last.

because of an illness she wanted the healer to help the servant boy who had it too before her. She always put her life last.

Fergus strode over to the pair and placed his large hand on his sisters shoulder, "She has always been this stubborn, Leliana. Don't take it personally." The three laughed for a moment before the doors behind Lea swung open. Fergus was the first to turn around while Leliana fussed over a stray hair on Lea's head.

"Ah, welcome. We are glad you could make it."

"We are glad to have made it, and if I do say so myself I believe we made fantastic time." Lea stiffened in Leliana's arms when the voice spoke from behind her.

"Lea if you could—"Fergus began, but was abruptly cut off.

"Fergus," She didn't turn around for fear of her theories being confirmed, "May I have a word with you in the kitchens?" She avoided Leliana's confused stare.

"Sister, don't you think that would be rude to our guests if—"

"Trust me when I say it would be beneficial for everyone if we were to go have a... chat."

She heard him give a deep sigh, "Please excuse us your majesty. We should be only but a minute."

 _Your majesty_ , that's what he called the other man. Lea wanted to run; she wanted to be as far away from here as possible. She pushed down what her instincts told her to do and went straight towards the kitchen. She could feel everyone's eyes on her as she made her way to the door. She sidestepped and held the door open for her brother; she dared to look back only to see Leliana and Wynne whispering to each other while Alistair stared at her with sad eyes.

Her green eyes flashed and her face tensed, and she walked in the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. "What in the Makers name is he doing here?"

"The King?" In his defense he had no idea that Alistair's presence would be a problem.

"Yes! Did you invite him?" Her face was getting red and her jaw remained clenched.

"Well Leliana said that you invited her and Wynne, so what's the problem in them bringing him?"

Lea brought her hand to her face and sighed, "How long is he planning on staying?"

"I am not sure, I was planning on finding out during breakfast but you so rudely pulled me away from that." He sarcastically glared at her, "But really, sister, why is him being here a problem?"

"There are just things that happened that aren't easily forgotten or forgiven."

"What happened?"

"I'd rather not get into it right now." She cast her eyes to the stone floor.

"You'll end up telling me at some point anyways; why not do it now?" Now he was genuinely curious.

Lea quickly glanced around the room to make sure they were alone, then she brought her voice to a whisper, "What I'm about to tell you needs to stay between us Fergus, no exceptions." He nodded his agreement, "Alright, well during the blight Alistair and I were... close. Most of the free time we had, we spent together. At some point it blossomed into more and that's when things got difficult."

"By close to mean that you two were... intimate?" He felt uncomfortable asking the question but he thought it important to know the depths of their relationship.

She hesitated a moment, "Yes we were," Fergus' eyes widened, "But it was never meaningless. At least I thought it wasn't. He meant something to me, and I am pretty sure that it was love."

"You're in love with the _king_ of Fereldan?" His words came out in a harsh whisper. He had expected her to say that it meant nothing and it was just uncomfortable to see him again.

"Was, Fergus, was in love with him." She said it defensively. "Do you know what needs to happen in order for the archdemon to die?"

There was a topic jump if he had ever seen one, "What does this have to do with you and Alistair?"

"It just does, now do you know?"

"A Grey Warden has to kill it?" He said foolishly.

Her face went blank for a moment, "Yes, but in order for that to happen the Warden that strikes the final blow dies along with the archdemon."

"Didn't you strike the final blow? So you're supposed to be dead?"

"Yes I am supposed to be dead, but Alistair decided to lay with the apostate in our group to conceive a child so that way neither of us would have to go down with the archdemon." She was clenching her fists at her sides.

"Isn't that a good thing? I mean you both survived, right?"

"It wasn't my intention to survive killing it. By surviving I now have to sit back and watch him from afar. He'll be forced to get married someday, he'll have to have an heir with whoever that woman is," She rested her hip on a wooden table and pinched the bridge of her nose. Her voice was weaker now, "It's just too difficult to have to watch it all. I was hoping to have him out my life when I left Denerim. Clearly he thought otherwise."

"Lea, I think it was wise of him to do what he did to keep you alive." She hadn't looked up yet, but she was trembling slightly. Fergus walked to her and pulled her against him. He was a head taller than her and so he rested his head atop of hers. "If he hadn't done it then you would be gone. I wouldn't have the support of my fiery little sister anymore." He felt her nod, "Now I won't make you go out there if you really don't want to, but I would like to see you address him at least once while he's here."

She pulled away with dismay all over her face, "I don't know if I can do that Fergus."

"Do it for me."

"Did you not hear the part about him laying with someone else? By the way he did it when he knew I didn't want it to happen. It's just too soon."

"Why don't you sneak out the back and we will discuss this later?"

She nodded and said, "Thank you Fergus." She stood on her tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek before she scurried out through the other door.

Fergus let out a long breath, _Maker this is going to get difficult,_ he thought to himself. He turned and entered the dining room, where he was welcomed by three eager faces staring back at him, "My sister sends her utmost apologies, but she is feeling... unwell this morning." Out of the corner of his vision he saw the King visibly slouch and shake his head. The poor man would just have to deal with his sister's wrath.


	2. Chapter 2

Lea rushed down the corridor to the main door that led to the open courtyard. A guard next to the door opened it on her arrival. She rushed through it to be met by pouring rain accompanied by a chilled breeze. She wrapped her arms around herself and rushed to the stables on her right.

It was warmer in the stables from the horses close proximity. She saddled a black stallion then exited the stables. It was still raining and she suspected it would do so for a while so she set off through Highever. Once she reached the edge of the city she was soaking wet but she didn't stop. She rode until she was at the coast that was a few miles out of the city. She tied the stallion to a nearby tree and strode towards the water. The waves were crashing on sharp rocks to her left while on her right it slowly came up to the already wet sand. She walked to where the water would touch her feet. It was cold as always but she was already numb from the cold rain and brisk winds. Thunder sounded off somewhere in the distance. It seemed as if the noise fuelled the oceans storm; the waves came in faster and each a bit stronger than the last.

Lea dropped to the ground, where she wrapped her small arms around her knees and laid her chin on her knees. She was shivering but her mind had wandered to the man in her home. He had been just as handsome as she remembered him, with his beautiful brown eyes and strong jawline. She wanted so badly to forgive him, but what good would it do to forgive a man she couldn't be with? All she had to do was look in his eyes and she knew that all would be long forgotten. Makers breath, him being in Highever would be the death of her.

She stood up with memories of him flooding her mind. She unlaced the back of the dress and pulled it off herself, leaving her in a white corset and white underskirt. She put the dress by the horse and walked to the body of water before her. The water was a greyish blue color. The waves came in fast then rushed back down to its own depths. Part of her wished she could leave so easily, as the waves did. She managed to get to a point where the water hit her waist. She ducked her head under the cold water and felt a chill run over her body. Lea slowly let the water wash away the worry lines on her gentle face.

She stood there, in the water, for longer than she probably should have. It was an hour at least before she left turned back towards her horse. The rain was still pelting the ground when she started pulling her dress back onto her soaking form. The red silk clung to her body easily. She mounted the horse and started towards the city.

By the time she reentered the city walls, it was mid-afternoon. The rain was still pounding the ground with its force, so not many people were out. Even the beggars had retreated to find shelter. She had never liked when the streets of Highever were quiet. It never seemed right. But she continued on until she reached the stable outside the castle. She dismounted and handed the reins over to a guard who would put the steed away. Her dress was dripping wet and her hair had long since fallen apart; she had a feeling that Fergus would be slightly annoyed with her. She slowly made her way up the steps and entered the castle only to be met by Ser Gilmore who was glowering at her.

"We have been looking for you all day." His smooth voice was a comfort, even if he was being stern with her.

"I needed to get out for a while. You know, feel the wind in my hair and fresh air in my lungs." She joked lamely.

His brows furrowed together, "You really are the odd one of the family aren't you?" Lea simply nodded, he chuckled. "Well you should know that the mage, Wynne, would like to speak with you as soon as possible, and I suggest going and checking in with Fergus before that. He has been on edge since breakfast."

"Where is he? I will go to him now."

"He is in his office, with the king I believe."

Lea tensed but continued walking in the direction of her brother's office, "Would you mind accompanying me Rorie?"

He hesitated before he answered, "I don't see any harm in it, so sure." She looked up at him and smiled graciously.

The pair walked through the silent corridors until they came upon Fergus' office. Lea stood in front of it shivering and not knocking on the door, "You know, Lea, the point of this was for you to actually go in at some point." He joked. She shot him a murderous glare before she lightly knocked on the door.

"You may enter," She took a deep breath and turned the door knob. The room as always was lit by a few candles and the roaring fire behind the large wooden desk that sat in the middle of the room. On the walls were tapestries that their had father loved. Neither sibling had the heart to take them down.

Fergus was sitting behind the desk with Alistair in the chair in front of the desk. Both men stood up at her when she entered, though she remained in the doorway. "I just wanted to let you know that I was back. I thought you might like to know."

Fergus looked at her dress, then her hair. His mouth was partially open in surprise, "Where in the world did you go?"

"I rode to the coast to get some fresh air," She shrugged as if the action was done daily.

"What made you think it was safe to go there by yourself? Bandits are known to patrol the coast. You should have taken Ser Gilmore." His eyes were bright with disapproval.

"Fergus, I am in no need of an escort." She was still avoiding Alistair's gaze, "Now if you would excuse me I have things I must attend to." She bowed deeply to Alistair before shuffling out of the room. A little bit down the hallways she turned to Ser Gilmore, "Rorie you don't need to follow me from here, I can make it to my room safely." He only nodded and watched her walk away.

Once in her room she locked the door and stripped out of her wet clothes before retiring to the already filled bath. Someone must have mentioned her state to Jocelyn. She soaked in the water until her hands and feet began to prune up. She dunked her head under the water before climbing out.

She dried herself quickly before putting on a thick blue dress. It had long sleeves and a leather belt that went around her slim waist. She left her hair down. It was naturally incredibly curly, so she never had to spend long on it. After making sure she looked decent she opened the door. Jocelyn smiled up at her. The girl was carrying a tray of cheeses and breads and Lea found herself more appreciative of Jocelyn than she ever thought possible. She let her in so she could set the tray down on her vanity.

"Jocelyn could you go fetch the mage, Wynne, for me?"

"Of course, I'll be right back."

"Thank you."

After Jocelyn left Lea dug into the food that had been brought to her. It was the first time in days that she found herself with a hunger for anything.

About seven minutes later Jocelyn walked back in with Wynne behind her. "Thank you Jocelyn, You are done for the evening."

Jocelyn's eyes widened, "Are you sure? It is only mid-afternoon."

Lea reached a hand out to the younger girl, who took it hesitantly. She came closer to Lea. She grabbed the girls other hand and looked into her brilliant eyes, "You have done so much for me already, please take a break tonight. Go down to the kitchens and tell Lita that I have given you a break, but since it's raining so hard I would like you to stay with her."

Jocelyn looked more surprised, if that was possible, "Are- are you sure?"

"Of course I am, darling. Now go and sleep well." Before she left she threw her arms around Lea's neck. Quickly after she left the room.

"She seems to have taken a liking to you, hasn't she?"

Lea had almost forgotten that Wynne was there. She stood at her full height and embraced the mage. "I am sorry about this morning; I just wasn't expecting him to come along as well."

"I tried to convince him to stay behind, but he insisted." Wynne's hair was now at her shoulders and she was wearing violet tower robes.

"Why did he come exactly?"

"Well your messenger mentioned something that simply sounded like something that might relate to you. He told me he wanted to go over some things with Fergus about Highever's construction, but it was obvious to Leliana and I that he wanted to see you."

"To bad I didn't want to see him." She knew she sounded harsh, but it couldn't be helped.

"I think you should let him explain some things to you before we leave."

"What things?"

"He told me that he wanted to tell you himself what happened with Morrigan. You know, why he did it."

"The fact is he slept with another woman, Wynne! I'm aloud to be hurt by that." Her voice got louder unintentionally.

"But there is more to this than just that isn't there? You are hurt because his actions saved your life and you didn't want to be saved."

How Wynne knew that, she didn't know, but somehow Wynne knew everything. Lea's jaw was hanging open. Wynne snapped her fingers in front of Lea's eyes, "How would you know that?"

"I am very good at reading people that way. It was written all over your face. Now tell me the thing that bothered you the most about those series of events."

At first she hesitated, "Well... I think what bothered me most was that they went against my wishes." Wynne cocked an eyebrow at her, "Morrigan came to me and asked if I would convince Alistair to lay with her. I said no, and told her that I didn't want Alistair to be with any other woman even if that meant my death. She then went to him and explained the situation. She told him that I didn't approve but he still agreed to it." Lea turned her eyes downward and let out a sigh, "Then once they were done he came to me. Of course I had no idea what had just transpired.

"We spent the night with each other; he led me to believe that it would be our last together. I fell for it and only when I didn't die did I realize what they had done."

"Lea, I had no idea that that is what had happened. I'm sorry that it went down in that manner." Wynne said sincerely.

Her green eyes were sparkling with unshed tears when she looked up at the wiser woman, "Me too, but that is not why you are here," She sniffled, "I was hoping you could tell me what's wrong with me."

Wynne laughed, "Well I might need more details than that. What are some of you symptoms?"

"Well it began with sleep. I haven't been able to sleep though a night since we got here from Denerim. Then came the constant sickness; I am nauseous most of the day right now. Lastly I have been losing my appetite."

The mage looked at Lea curiously. "Well I have a theory, but it would have to be checked, but I would rather do that while you were asleep."

"You mean when I go to sleep tonight or do you mean right now when you put me under a spell?"

"I would prefer to do it now."

"Alright, let's get it done." Lea walked to the bed and laid down, "I am ready."

"Would you be alright if Leliana was present for it as well?"

"No, that's not a problem—"

The redhead leaped in from behind the door, "Thank the Maker! I thought I would have to wait out there all day!"

The three women laughed, then Wynne got serious. "Alright, Lea, just relax." The oldest of the three started gently waving a hand over Lea's face and chanted some type of magic.

The world around her slowly started to darken, until only a small white light was left, "Sleep Lea." She did as the voice commanded and slipped into the utter darkness.

* * *

Wynne stood over Lea's sleeping body with a concerned look on her face, "Are you going to do that magic thing you do?"

"'That magic thing you do? Really?" Wynne had looked up at the younger woman with an amused expression.

Leliana's eyes glanced around while her face started to turn a light shade of pink, "I didn't know what to call it."

"I'm diagnosing whatever is wrong with her."

She quickly jumped out of her embarrassed state, "Well are you going to diagnose her then?"

Wynne had always thought Leliana to be over excited about everything. "I will, but I think I know what's wrong with her."

"What do you think it is then?"

"I'm not sure it would be wise to tell you before I tell her."

"Oh, come on. I won't tell anyone!" She begged.

Wynne raised her eyebrows at the bard.

Leliana rolled her eyes, "Seriously I won't tell anyone. My days as a bard are over for good."

"You have to play this by my terms then."

Leliana huffed, "What are your terms then?"

Wynne crossed her arms over her chest, "Well for one I am the one who will tell her," Leliana nodded, "Second you are allowed to tell _no one_ , is that clear?" She nodded again, "Lastly if she is unhappy about it, doesn't want to talk about it or makes a decision that you disagree with then you will keep your mouth shut."

"Oh that's easy," She shifted on her feet a little and rubbed her hands together excitedly, "Now will you tell me?"

The older woman looked Leliana in the eye as she spoke, "I think Lea is with child."

Leliana stopped fidgeting at once. Her voice came out in a squeak, "What?"

"I think she's pregnant."

"Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm not, but I still haven't checked yet, so I might be wrong yet."

"Well then do it!" Cried Leliana.

Wynne was surprised at Leliana's rush, but she decided to indulge the young girl in this one thing. She conjured a healing spell that enveloped both her hands in a light blue light. She hovered her hands over Lea's head first, then her throat and lastly her abdomen. The process took about an hour to complete all together.

Once she finished she sat down at the vanity and placed her head in her hand. "Well? What is it?"

Wynne lifted her head slowly. Her gaze was on the unconscious woman. "She is as I suspected," Looking over at Leliana she began again, "I would like to be alone with her when I tell her, I will let you know when you can reenter."

Leliana nodded solemnly, then she got up and left the room. Wynne moved to Lea and cast the spell that awoken her. She sat up slowly, her bright green eyes blinking away the sleep, until she made eye contact with Wynne. "Well did you find the source?"

Wynne pondered her thoughts for a moment, "I did, but I am unsure of how you will react."

Worry slid into Lea's expression, "Wynne, what did you find?"

"I want you to know that I do not see you any differently than before—"

"Wynne, now you are scarring me. Please just tell me." She pleaded.

"You are... you are with child Lea."

At first Lea was frozen in place, her eyes locked with Wynne's; silently asking her to tell her she was only kidding. When Wynne's expression didn't change she started shaking, "What?" She all but whispered.

Wynne made her way to the bedside to grasp Lea's hand. It was cold, which would explain why the poor girl was going pale, "You are carrying a child with you. You're pregnant."

Her eyes were wide and filled with the most fear Wynne had ever seen. "Wha- no that's not possible. That can't be right," She made direct eye contact with Wynne, "You have to be wrong." She was speaking quickly because of the panic that had struck.

"I am sorry, but you are."

She blinked at first, then blinked some more, only then did the tears start to fall. Wynne pulled the young woman into her arms and held her, as a mother would to her daughter. She heard a muffled sentence coming from the shaking figure in her arms, "It wasn't supposed to be possible."

Wynne pulled away a little and wiped the tears from Lea's pale face, "What wasn't supposed to be possible?"

"Me... having a child." Tears were streaming down her face more and more now.

"Because of the taint?" She nodded silently, "No it was never impossible, there were just lower chances due to the taint."

A hiccup escaped Lea's mouth, "No you don't understand that it was impossible. There was no -hic- way that me conceiving _this_ child was possible."

Wynne shook her head, "It's not impossible Lea, just more unlikely than most people."

"Wynne –hic- if I am pregnant than Alistair is the father. There is no other option. Tell me that it's possible now."

Wynne opened her mouth to speak, but as realization made its way into her she gave up on whatever argument she had conjured up. She was staring at Elissa with an open mouth when a soft knock came from the door. Fergus' head slid in before he entered fully, "I am here to tell you both that—" He stopped mid-sentence at the sight of Lea in tears. "What in the Maker's name happened?" He rushed forward to the other side of his sister's bed. She leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. The tears were still streaming down her pale skin.

"I will go wash-up for the meal." She looked to Lea, "Later tonight if you need to find me, I am just down the hall."

A muffled response came from Fergus' shoulder.

Wynne left swiftly as only mages do. Lea nuzzled farther into her older brothers arms, "What's wrong, pup?"

The use of her father's old nickname for her only drew more tears, "It's something that can't be discussed with you right now."

"Are you sure? I am always here to listen, or be a shoulder should you ever need one, you know that don't you?"

"Of course I do, and as soon as I work through it myself I will come to you." The siblings sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, Lea's sniffling being the only thing that interrupted the quiet.

"Should I tell the others that you are still feeling unwell?" Fergus asked softly. His chin was resting on top of his sisters head.

Lea pulled back a bit, but remained in Fergus' embrace, "No I need to appear at least once. Leliana would kill me if I avoided her the whole time that they're here." She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and stood up. "Could you wait in the hall for me?"

"You don't have to come down if you don't think you're up to it Lea."

She shook her head and her piercing green eyes met his brown ones, "Fergus stop trying to dissuade me from doing this. I'm just as stubborn as mother was."

"At least she taught you to admit it." The siblings smiled fondly at each other. He left the room and shut the door behind him. Lea stared at the door for a moment before she walked to the wash basin that was resting on her vanity. She splashed some water on her face, trying to cool it and decrease the redness from under her eyes.

After one last deep breath she exited to room and found Fergus waiting with a warm smile to greet her. He held his arm out to her and she took it without hesitation. She didn't have many people she trusted so openly, but Fergus had always managed to be one of those people.

"Will you tell me eventually?" He asked her as they walked down the first flight of stairs.

Lea's eyes flickered with pain as the idea of her being pregnant was again brought to her attention. She wasn't sure that she wanted the child, but it might be her only chance to have one. "I imagine I will have no choice but to tell you eventually." She said sadly.

"Are you okay with whatever it is?" She appreciated how he didn't push on knowing what it was, but was more concerned with how she was coping.

"No. Not right now at least; perhaps in due time I will be, but for now it is just something I need to accept."

They stopped at the bottom of the staircase. Fergus turned and grasped his younger sister's shoulders in his hands, "You do know that whatever this is I will not allow you to deal with it alone, right? I'm not going to kick you to the street and leave you for dead."

Lea smiled up at him, adoration beaming in her eyes. "And for that I cannot thank you enough, but we should really see to our guests."

Fergus nodded and looped Lea's arm back through his. They continued to the dining hall in silence until Lea stopped him before the guards opened the door. "Fergus, can I ask you to please not bring any of this up during the meal?"

He nodded with a serious expression on his face, "Of course. You have my word on the matter."

"Thank you, for everything."

"It is no trouble." He said warmly. He gestured for the doors to opened. As the doors opened Lea grasped his arm with strong grip.

She wasn't sure she was ready to face Alistair in a conversation, but she could sit in the same room as him. _That I can deal with._ She thought to herself.

Alistair and Leliana were locked in a conversation, so the pair of them didn't notice them enter. Wynne on the other hand had noticed and had jumped up to rush to Lea's side. She led younger woman to the seat that was placed next to the head of the table. Alistair sat directly across from her and only when she sat down did he realize she was in the same room as him.

His brown eyes were locked on her, making her shift in her seat uncomfortably. Fergus took the place at the head of the table and the meal was brought forth.

"So, Alistair you said earlier today that it would be wise if we collided our soldiers." Fergus began, successfully drawing the King's attention away from his sister.

"I did, and I am still curious about your opinion on the matter." Alistair replied. The air of sophistication was a new one, and Lea had not been expecting it.

"I think it's a brilliant idea, but I don't understand how we would do it."

"Well I believe it would be easiest to have my General come converse with the Captain of your Guard." Alistair said as he lifted his chalice to his lips.

"When would be an appropriate time for him to come to Highever exactly?"

"Why not send the Captain of our Guard to Denerim? It would be just as sufficient, would it not?" Lea intervened.

Both men looked over at her curiously. After a long moment Alistair addressed her. "It wouldn't make sense for Highever to send their only Captain when Denerim has three."

"Highever is currently at its weakest point, and if we were attacked without a Captain among the soldiers then we would with no doubt be lost." Fergus added.

"Well my apologies for asking such an irrelevant question, your Majesty." Her voice was cold, unmoved by the gentleness that Alistair had spoken to her with.

"Lea, you know that I would prefer to not be called that."

Lea's green eyes shot up to his brown ones, accompanied by a harsh glare, "I'm sorry, but I do not feel comfortable addressing you as anything else, _your Majesty._ "

"There really is no need for a friend such as yourself—"

"Friend?" Lea spat. Her hands formed into fists on either side of her plate.

Alistair's eyes skimmed the rest of the room. It had fallen silent now. Wynne was shaking her head and Leliana was refusing to make eye contact with either of them. "Yes friends. You can't really think that after all we've been through we wouldn't be at least friends."

Her eyes were bright with an anger that Alistair hadn't seen since they had come across Howe. "I wouldn't count you as a friend." She said through gritted teeth. "Friends have some sense of loyalty, and you my King, have none of that."

"Lea!" Exclaimed Fergus.

"No it's quite alright for her to express this anger towards me. It's completely justified." Alistair said sadly.

Lea pushed her chair back and stood up. "If you would excuse me, brother. I am feeling rather faint." She excused herself though, not giving him enough time to do it himself.

Alistair stood up abruptly, "Lea please, can you just allow me to explain?"

With her hand on the doorknob she turned around and looked the man she once loved, in the eyes. They were pleading her to stop, to give him a chance to explain his wrongs. But with tears in her eyes she shook her head, no. She already had to decide to keep his child or to give it away and she didn't want another decision clouding her conscious.


	3. Chapter 3

She yanked the door open and ran down the dimly lit hallways. She was almost at the doors that led to the courtyards when a strong hand caught her arm. "Milady, don't you think it would be nice to not have to change again?" Rorie joked as he spun her around to face him. He sobered at the sight of her tears though. His red eyebrows furrowed together as he pulled her small shaking form against himself.

She sank into him without hesitation and her body shook uncontrollably as her sobs raked her body. "I don't know if I can do this." She croaked.

"Do what, Lea?"

"Ser Gilmore," Her reply was cut off by Fergus, who was rushing down the hallway with his arms open wide for Lea to enter. He looked utterly concerned. "I'll take her from here." She was still shaking, and hiding her face in her hands so Fergus picked her up and cradled her against his chest. "You are dismissed."

He carried her up the two flights, never did he say anything, only held her tighter when she shook more violently. Once he reached her room he found Wynne was standing near the bed, lighting candles.

The older woman looked up and sighed when she saw Lea's small figure. "I do not think it was wise for her to come to dinner, my Lord."

He walked to the side of the bed that was nearest to the door and gently set her down. "I'm guessing that you know about all the problems that surround her and Alistair."

"I am well aware of the entire situation, but perhaps we could discuss this in the hall? It will do her no good to hear it being said another time." Wynne explained.

"Of course." Fergus brushed a stray piece of hair out of Lea's eyes and said softly to her, "Wynne and I will be in the hallway if you need us."

When she didn't respond Fergus gestured to the door. The pair slipped out of the room. When Fergus met Wynne's gaze he saw the pain that had settled on her aging features.

"During the Blight I warned both Lea and Alistair of the consequences that could possibly arise with their relationship. As you can see they didn't listen and now I'm afraid that they are both suffering greatly because of that."

"What did you warn them of?" Fergus asked.

"I told them that love was ultimately selfish, and at some point either one or both of them would get hurt by it." Wynne looked at the door that was blocking the sounds of Lea's tears, "But it doesn't have to be like this. If Lea could find a way to forgive him, then I do believe the problem would fix itself."

Fergus's dark eyebrows came together in confusion, "She still wouldn't be named Queen though."

"I am led to believe that the Court would be very supportive of that marriage actually; they wouldn't want the King's first child to be a bastard. That would be a scandal."

"What first child? Why would it be a bast—" Fergus stopped mid-sentence as realization dawned on him. His eyes widened, and a hand quickly covered his mouth, "Maker's breath."

Wynne, realizing her mistake, cursed. "She hadn't told you? Of course she hadn't told you, she had just found out herself." The frantic mage looked up at the still shocked Fergus. "You can't tell her that you know! This is something she must cope with on her own, before she can have people trying to dictate how she handles the situation. Let her tell you on her own time."

"With Alistair's child?" Fergus whispered.

She knew she had said too much, but part of her couldn't help but wonder if it would be best for Lea if her brother knew. "Yes with Alistair's child, but he doesn't know so you cannot talk about this near him."

"But she can't just not tell him about the heir she'll be giving birth to in a matter of months!" He whispered furiously. He dragged his hand through his hair and leaned against the wall.

"She has the option of... ending it now." Wynne said slowly.

"No."

"Fergus that's not your decision," she whispered harshly.

"That child is the heir to the throne! She can't just kill it!"

"But if it's something that she doesn't want, then I don't believe she should have to go through with it." Wynne explained levelheadedly. "If you have an issue with that, then maybe I should just take her away from Highever."

"I waited nearly a year to be reunited with my sister; she's all I have left, and you will not take her away from me." Fergus snarled.

"It was just a suggestion, I'm just trying to do what's best for the young woman I see as a daughter."

An emotion crossed Fergus's face so fast that Wynne barely had time to decipher, it quickly turned into a blank stare. "I think it would best if you retired for the night Wynne. I can handle my sister. I did for eighteen years without your help." He slid back into Lea's room without regarding Wynne's protests. He swiftly locked it behind him and went farther into the room.

Lea was still laying on her side, facing away from him, shutting him out without even trying. She had managed to change out of her gown and into a warmer nightgown, the dress she had been wearing was resting lazily on the floor beside the dresser. "Lea, we need to talk."

Her slightly shaking form didn't move, but she did speak. "I'm not ready to discuss anything yet, Fergus."

"You could've told me that you're with child, Alistair's child to be exact." He hissed.

Lea stopped shaking, sat up and slowly turned to face her furious brother. "Wynne said she wouldn't tell anyone." She whispered.

"Yeah well she let it slip, but it doesn't matter because you should have told me!" His voice was rising, and Lea had begun shaking again.

"I was planning on telling you, just after I had figured it all out in my own mind." Her voice was shaking as tears started sliding down her pale cheeks again.

"You're not even twenty years of age yet, and you're pregnant out of wedlock!" He was yelling now.

"What do you want me to do? End the pregnancy because trust me that has been an—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence. You cannot kill an heir to the throne of Fereldan." His voice was harsh, unforgiving.

"Fergus, I'm not sure that I even want to tell Alistair. All those issues I told you about earlier are still present." She whispered.

"You have to tell him. Every man has a right to know that he is a father. I'll give you until the Summer Solstice to tell him. If you don't, I will."

Lea's eyes widened in fear. "Summer Solstice is ten days away. You wouldn't do that to me." She choked out.

"Lea, this isn't just your child." Fergus explained much gentler that he had a moment before, "Technically speaking it belongs to Fereldan."

"I'm not even sure that it will survive the pregnancy, Fergus! It wasn't supposed to be possible for us to have one together." Lea rose out of the bed and crossed to where Fergus was standing. As she got closer, Fergus could makeout the tracks of tears on her cheeks.

They stared at each other in silence. When the silence started to drag on Fergus pushed farther. "You are still going to tell him. You can decide if it's before the celebration, but you will tell him."

Then he was gone. Lea watched as he slammed the door behind him. She crossed the room and locked the door to avoid anymore unwanted confrontations. Quietly, she turned and slid against the door until she was sitting on the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face in her couldn't have gone any worse.

* * *

It wasn't until two days later that Fergus addressed her again. Lea had been summoned to his office, there was no surprise when Alistair was there. Fergus was sitting behind his desk, reading over a few papers.

"You wanted to see me?"

Without looking up from his reading Fergus answered, "I did. Sit." Lea looked at the open chair. Alistair was in the seat right next to the one she was supposed to sit in. She still had yet to speak to him since the dinner. Her harsh words didn't stop him from staring at her in passing though. It certainly didn't stop him staring in that ignored his gaze as much as she could, and took her place in the seat next to him. It took a few moments for Fergus to finish, but when he did Lea wished he hadn't. "I believe it's time we all discuss plans for the country's future."

"What do you mean? I have nothing to do with that." She shifted nervously. The glances shifted between him and Alistair didn't go unnoticed. "What are you not telling me?"

Lea flinched when Alistair placed his hand on her knee. He noticed and lifted his hand away from her. "The high council, in Denerim, has created a list of women suitable for me to marry. You are at the top of their list. I have done everything I can but they are quite determined to place a Cousland on the throne next to me."

"They want you to marry me?" Lea looked between Fergus and Alistair. Neither would make eye contact with her.

"They... demand that you marry him, Lea." Fergus admitted quietly.

"No. They can't demand that. Who demands that two people be wed?" Lea knew she was speaking too quickly, knew that she was panicking, but that knowledge didn't stop her heart from beating faster than could've been healthy.

"Lea, it happens all the time. It's not at all uncommon." Fergus' words were no help.

Lea stood up, the back of her knees pushing her chair away, "no, I won't marry him. I can't." She turned away from her brother, heading towards the door.

Once she was out of the room, she ran. She had no idea where she was going, or when she would stop running, yet she didn't stop. She found herself on a balcony, breathless and with eyes that were full of unshed tears. Her feet had carried her to a corridor that hadn't been touched since Howe had attacked. It had been the same balcony that her mother had chosen when she was uncertain. Lea had only been there once before. Her parents had been fighting about sending Fergus off to battle for the first time. Somehow she had found her way into her mothers arms, begging her to keep her brother from leaving.

It was at the top of the hold, overlooking the city of Highever. Everything was visible from the balcony, but none could see her from below. No one could see the tears that leaked onto her cheeks, or see how she was drowning under the weight of her secret. But she had been taught to be stronger than whatever she faced.

She took a deep breath, letting lessons she had learned flush out her emotions. She sighed deeply, stepping back from the railing.

Lea left the balcony, and slowly made her way back to her chambers. The halls were empty, and the rain had started outside the windows, which was why she didn't see Alistair sitting in the corner of her bedroom.

"We need to talk."

Lea nearly fell over from how high she jumped. Her eyes landed on him and all she could do was stare. She wasn't ready to discuss any of it with him. She could barely stand sitting across from him at a table.

Alistair grabbed her arm before she could move away from him. "Please, just let me talk. That's all I ask," he practically begged.

"Why would ever want to listen to another lie you tell me?" She hated the way her voice started shaking, but she wasn't the same warrior that she was when she stabbed her sword through the Archdemon's head.

"I didn't come all the way here to lie to you more than I already have. Just sit down and let me explain."

She glared at him for a moment, but eventually sat down on the bench at the end of her bed. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she looked at a spot on the floor away from him.

Alistair pulled a stool from the desk opposite the bed and sat in front of Lea, "I never lied about how I felt about you, in fact I haven't stopped loving you." Lea scoffed at his words but didn't move her eyes. "The things I did weren't easy for me to do. I knew that you would be hurt, but it had to happen if I wanted anything good to happen to me in this life."

"Oh, so bedding her was a good thing?"

"The outcome of it made it worth it."

"Excuse me?" She finally looked at his face, hers was riddled with disgust.

"I meant with you. When she came to me with the idea she told me that you and I could get something out of it that wasn't just both of our lives."

"Really? Because I haven't seen one good thing happen to _us_ since…" She trailed off and looked back at the ground.

"You've been changing. I know about it."

"You have no idea who I am anymore, just like I have no clue about who you are."

"I don't think that's true." Alistair argued. "I came to you after Morrigan," The look of hurt that crossed Lea's face didn't go unnoticed. "Because Morrigan explained that the magic she used would last at least through the night. That's why I came to you."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, I know that you're pregnant. With my child."

Lea's breathing sped up and she scooted farther away from him, "I- you, how do you…" Her hand went to her still flat stomach in a protective manner. She didn't want to believe that he knew about the child. She couldn't let him hold that power over her.

"I did what I did because it would give us a future," Alistair whispered. He moved so he was next to her in the bench.

"How could you do that to me, without even telling me?" She sniffled at the end of her sentence.

"You wouldn't have agreed to it if you had known."

"So you let me go this whole time without even telling me that you knew!" She stood up and walked to the window.

"Lea, think about it. The one reason we wouldn't be able to get married was our inability to produce an heir. You're already pregnant and the court is already set on you being on the throne and I'm sure the rest of Fereldan would be overjoyed to have a Cousland on the throne."

"I don't want to be on the throne, and I don't want to marry you," she spat.

"You're just angry right now," he said softly.

"I'm quite a bit more than angry Alistair. Did you even stop to consider me when you and Morrigan were coming up with this plan?"

"Of course I did! I did it for you," he softened his tone when he saw tears in her eyes again.

"No, Alistair, you did it for you. It was selfish. You did it to keep me around, because you thought it would be best for _you_."

"Yes I did, because without you I have no idea how to live. You can ask any noble that has had to interact with me since you left. I found a reason to keep going when I met you, so how did you expect me to rule a country with you dead?"

"I don't want to rule! I don't want to be what you want me to be." She whispered.

"You don't have a choice." Alistair stood.

"Of course I do."

"No you don't. I've already sent word to Eamon about your state. He agree's that you're only option is to be named queen." He took a step towards her. "He said that we could simply play the whole thing as though we were married during the Blight. The peope will be told that you wished to let me settle into ruling while you helped your brother rebuild Highever."

"You ruin my life, then take away any chance of freedom I ever had? I had it wrong all along, you are just like your father and brother."

"You know as well as I do that that's a lie."

"No, I only know what I see, and all I see is a fantastic example of the original Therin blood."

"What you're saying changes nothing. Fergus has already been informed, and we will leave the morning after the festival."

Lea turned with to face him. There were tear stains across her cheeks, but she didn't waver when she spoke. "If you think that I still love you, then you need to open your eyes."

"We can work—"

"Get out."

"Lea—"

"You've caused enough damage for one night, don't you think?"

"Alright." He ran his fingers through his hair and left the room.


End file.
